i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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