he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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