On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
