have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
