If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
