yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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