I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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