She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
