i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
