Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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