I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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