Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
