I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
