Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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