Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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