i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
