i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
