All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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