Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
