im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
