I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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