I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
