so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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