I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize