i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the day after is always just damage control
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
