but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
