I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
