Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
how does that bad decision feel?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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