If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
