On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
