I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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