You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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