I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
