I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
