Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
