i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
