your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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