What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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