One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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