The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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