We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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