four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
