I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
