so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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