community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
