I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
