I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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