You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize