I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
