We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
