i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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