Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
