I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
