he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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