Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
