Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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