I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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