fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
