well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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