This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
