SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
