note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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