I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize