Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
