i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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