Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
