when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
