Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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