from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
