I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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